Dying is no laughing matter. That is why going out of business must at least be painless. So here we are with the eight deaths we must avoid. I did try to think of songs that should be ideally played while you’re on your way to the cemetery. Para di ka na mahirapan pa.
1. Death by accident
Vehicular, circumstancial or just utter stupidity, no one wants to die unprepared. You would want at least to die peacefully surrounded by relatives and friends.
Theme Song: Biglaan- 6cyclemind
Featured line: “di ako sanay sa biglaan, unti-unti na lang sanang nawala..”
2. Death by zombies
Yes. Zombies are so real. Haha. Imagine yourself being eaten to death by mindless creatures. Well, at least there is someone/something that values your brain. Kahit pa slightly used.
Theme song: Sunflower song- Plants vs Zombies OST
Featured line: “There’s a zombie on your lawn. We don’t want zombies on our lawn.”
3. Death by being a sacrifice
Yung totoo. Virgin ka pa? Virgin lang ang sinasacrifice diba? Nagmamaganda ka nanaman. Haha. In all seriousness, who the hell still gets to die as a sacrifice? Definitely not the way to go. For sure tabloid ang bagsak mo. Kasama ng kinky stories.
Featured song: Habang May Buhay- Afterimage
Featured line: “.. Hangga’t dugo ko’y dumadaloy, sa’yo lamang iaalay.”
4. Death by stoning
No, I don’t mean by getting stoned high. Idiot. Like biblical times way of dying. Can somebody tell me whose bright mind thought of this crazy idea? Pero aminin mo. May gusto ka i-stone to death. O heto shabu. Batuhin mo pa. Bigyan mo na rin ng katol.
Featured song: We will rock you- Queen
Featured line: “..saying we will we will rock you.” [Sa tagalog babatuhin ka namin.]
5. Death by emoness
Laslas sa pulso. As if that can kill you. Mega idiot. Try mo sa carotid para mas masaya. Sagot ko pa pang-kape mo. Naisip ko lang. Si Andres Bonifacio ba ang pinakaunang Pilipinong emo? O si Datu Sikatuna? Kaya siguro lumaban si Lapu-lapu dahil ayaw nya matawag na emo.
Featured song: PDA- John Legend
Featured line: “.. we just don’t care, we just don’t care.”
6. Death because of lack of sleep
Tulog-tulog din pag may time. See? Since you don’t follow your sleep pattern, your body forced you to sleep. Like forever lang naman.
Featured song: Tulog na- Sugarfree
Featured song: “.. Tulog na, hayaan na muna natin sila.”
7. Death by heart attack
Ehem. Haha. Health should always be a top priority. Not just physical but also mental and emotional. New studies show that there is a rise on heart attack cases for ages below 25.
Featured song: Too much love will kill you- Queen
Featured line: “.. Too much love will kill you.”
8. Death by alcoholism
Alcoholism is never a solution to the problem. Mukha lang nawala but trust me it is still there. Kaya itagay na lang natin yan. Charot. If symptoms persist consult your tropa or family. Hindi si San Miguel o kung sino pa mang emperador.
Featured song: Buloy- Parokya ni Edgar
Featured line: “.. nagulat na lang ako na ika’y nagpakamatay na.”